You've met a great guy and he's starting to look like the man of your dreams. Then something snaps and the bubble bursts. He suddenly starts to act like he doesn't trust you. He thinks you're lying or hiding something. And what's worse, he believes you're cheating on him. All of this without evidence, or with proof he's concocted in his head. You're obviously hurt and confused, but you really love this one — he's a keeper and you're determined to make it work.
Don't lose hope. There are things you can do to help your partner heal from whatever's hurt him. Here are three ways to help a betrayed man trust you:
Trust is something most of us learn as children. But once that trust has been betrayed, we have to relearn a skill that once came as second nature. Your partner needs to be sat down and taught how to react with trust in specific situations:
When you trust someone you:
Give them the benefit of the doubt
Have genuine conversations
Ask questions out of interest
Allow them to have their privacy
Let them live their lives without your surveillance
Let go of the past
When you don't trust someone you:
Assume the worst
Manufacture red flags
Ask questions to dig for information
Rehash the past
Your man needs to know the Do's and Don'ts of trust. Acknowledge his effort when he demonstrates an act of trust. Remind him of his intentions when he reverts back to a place of pain and suspicion. Give him a chance to recognize his mistake, tell him what he could have done instead and help him promise to be better next time.
Your partner may need help discerning who he should trust and who he shouldn't:
Unless there is previous evidence to support suspicion, regard new people in your life as mostly trustworthy. Don't be completely open or careless with strangers, however. No one needs to know your private information or personal business right away.
If someone starts digging for your private and personal information rather quickly, tell them you're uncomfortable with that, but you'd be happy to continue getting to know them.
Pay attention to how they act with you and others. If you get wildly different accounts of their personality or behavior from several people, it may be a façade.
Let people prove their trustworthiness to you over time. Allow them to succeed in becoming part of your inner circle, instead of setting them up to fail.
Keep a healthy reservation with everyone. You can't be too careful, especially with your valuables and your children. Surveillance cameras, security systems and strong passcodes keep your most prized possessions and people that much safer.
A betrayed man may seem to doubt you and everyone new in his life, but the person he doubts most is himself. He likely feels as if he can no longer trust his own instincts. He can't tell who is good and who is bad, who is lying and who is not — so he assumes the worst of everyone to keep himself safe. This is a lonely, sad and angry existence. Remind him that he can't blame himself for other people's actions.
Everyone has been dooped, scammed and lied to. We've all felt silly and foolish as some time. But learning to trust and live life happy again is the best way to move forward through life after lies.
Betrayed men need to recover from a lot of emotional hardship. Heartache, financial strain and legal woes could all be coming at him at once. But a good person who supports him in his recovery could make all the difference.