If you've ever sobbed into your husband's chest as he helplessly holds you, you know what I'm talking about when I say "wounded heart". And women, if you married a great man, you'll see an uncertainty and helpless in his eyes when you sob into his shoulder. I married a great man — I know he wants to take away my pain, but he's unsure of what to do, unsure how to fix it.
As intelligent women, we know no one can make us happy (it's unfair to expect a single thing — a single person — to make us happy all of the time). However, a loving husband can give you that extra hand you need to start healing yourself. He can help you patch your wounded heart.
To those dear husbands who know all too well the feelings of helplessness when you see your wife in such despair, let me help you know how to help her:
Grieving is as unique as a personality. As you spend the years together, you'll learn what she needs when she's in this process. Whether she needs personal space or time to work out, make sure she gets what she needs to mourn.
I know my husband takes on a lot of the work around the house, so I'm hesitant to ever ask him to add on more ... but sometimes when he senses I'm overwhelmed, he looks for something to clean. Does your wife hate cleaning the toilet? Making dinner? Mowing the lawn? Step in and do it without telling her.
A hug can be as fulfilling as an entire conversation – at least for me. But maybe a foot massage, a little kiss on the forehead or a snuggle session before bed is better for her. The right physical touch can be healing in beautiful little ways. Sometimes, a shattered heart just needs a long hug to start the healing process.
Most problems aren't solved in a day. Those long hours of the night you stayed by her side are not the only times she needs your support. An encouraging text right before she steps into a dreaded meeting can do wonders. A handwritten note expressing your belief in her could make all the difference. Make sure she knows you're there for her, always.
Overall, the little things you do each day can heal your wife's heart. Does she know that when she isn't around she still has all of your heart? Can she come to you with her greatest vulnerabilities and know you won't use them against her in a fight? Fighting the battle of life is so much easier when you know your husband will always have your back.
The "Miss Independent" mantra is so strong we sometimes forget that it's both beautiful and human to lean on someone else during hard times. Your wife might not ask for your help because she doesn't want to seem weak. But you can still help, even if she doesn't ask you directly. Watch for the signs your wife is breaking down before she hits rock bottom and give her the time to heal that she needs.