You and your partner each have a unique love tank. These tanks fuel your relationship. When they are both full you will most likely experience a smoother, happier and more satisfying relationship.
"A lot of misbehavior in marriage grows out of an empty love tank," said Dr. Gary Chapman, a psychologist and author of the book "The Five Love Languages."
The key to having a full love tank is to continually fill your partner's love tank, which you can do by saying "I love you" in your partner's unique love language. Discover your love language here, and then use it in these ways to help your relationship blossom:
If this is your or your partner's love language, then words are far more powerful than actions. Words can either fill or empty your sweetheart's love tank. Here are a few things that fill the tank and a few that do the exact opposite:
Saying "I love you," "I'm proud of you" and "I appreciate you"
Texting encouraging words
Complimenting them for no reason
Giving them praise
Saying something supportive
Telling them why you love them
Explaining how much they mean to you
Lack of or little verbal communication throughout the day
The silent treatment
This love language is all about actions and less about words. Often people with this love language feel the most loved when someone is serving them. Here is how you can fill their love tank and a few things to avoid:
Doing something practical to help the other person out (especially if they know you don't enjoy it)
Filling the gas tank, doing household chores
Doing random nice things for them
Working together on a project that needs to get done
Relieving stress by taking the work load
Saying "let me do that for you"
Being lazy and breaking commitments
Refusing to help out with things
Creating more work
This might sound like an expensive love language, but it really isn't. It just depends on how the person who speaks this language defines a gift. Here are things that will fill or empty the love tank of a person who hears "I love you" with a gift:
Small tokens of love
A surprise gift
Something tangible that shows that you were thinking of them
Thinking ahead about birthdays, anniversaries and other gift giving situations
Flowers, candy or something that can be grabbed while you are out
A gift that says thank you
Letting them get something they really want
Missed birthday, holiday or anniversary
Selfish gifts, intended more for you than the person you love
This love language is not all about doing things together (though that is a big part), it's about listening talking and being together without distractions. There are many ways to fill and empty this person's love tank:
Listening to them talk with no distractions (like cell phones, computers or food)
Spending time with just the two of you
Spending uninterrupted leisure time or just hanging out together
Showing interest in things they care about
Listening to them and trying to understand their feelings
Doing anything together as long as it is together
Planning daily time to spend together
Cancelling date night plans
Interrupting or not listening to the other person
This love language is usually easy to identify in another person because who ever speaks this language is very touchy. Different kinds of physical touches can mean different things, like a hug could be comforting or a form of expressing excitement. The person's love tank who has this language could be filled and emptied in some of these ways:
Hugging and holding hands
Participating in appropriate public displays of affection
Sitting close to each other and cuddling
Giving a backrub or massage
Being physically intimate
Frequent non-sexual touches throughout the day
Pushing them away
Being gone frequently
Just because your partner feels loved most when you serve them, doesn't mean they don't need words of affirmation. You should strive to show love to your spouse in all of the love languages.
My husband's love language is receiving gifts, but for him a gift doesn't have to be something purchased. It could be a gift of my time, of service or even a hug. To me, my love languange is service, quality time and physical touch. But to him, it is a gift because I took the time to think about him and what he would appreciate.
Every person will speak their love language in their own dialect. Some people have more than one love language, and it often changes over time. So learn about and speak the love language of your partner. You can travel down the road of happily ever after when you and your partner strive to fill each other's love tanks.