"How's the married life?" I was probably asked this question a million times over the first two years of my marriage. "It's absolutely perfect," I would say. "It's beautiful and magical," would sometimes be the answer I would give.
Come to find out, I was lying.
While I thought I was telling the truth at the time, I quickly discovered that my marriage, and everyone else's marriage, was anything but pretty. I recently read an Facebook post that explained marriage perfectly.
"Marriage is ugly; you see the absolute worst in someone. You see them when they're mad, sad, being stubborn, when they're so unlovable they make you scream. But you also see them when they're laughing so hard that tears run down their face, and they can't help but let out those weird gurgling noises.
You see them at 3am when the world is asleep except you two, and you're eating in the middle of the kitchen floor. You get to see the side of them that no one else does, and it's not always pretty. It's snorting while laughing, it's the tears when it feels like it's all crashing down, it's the farting, it's the bedhead and bad breath, it's the random dances, it's the anger and the joy.
Marriage isn't a beautiful thing, but it is amazing. It's knowing that someone loves you so much, and won't leave you even though you said something nasty.
It's having someone have your back no matter what. It's fights over stupid things, like someone not doing the dishes or picking up after themselves.
And it's those nights you fall asleep in each other's arms, feeling like there will never be enough time with them. It's cleaning up their throw up, or just rubbing their back when they're sick. It's the dirtiest, hardest, most rewarding job there is.
Because at the end of the day you get to crawl into bed with your best friend, the weirdest, most annoying, loving, goofy perfect person that you know. Marriage is not beautiful, but it's one heaven of a ride."
The world has a twisted perspective on marriage that's completely wrong — unlike what the movies tell you, marriage isn't pretty. Especially when compared to the picture-perfect marriages on Instagram, we sometimes it feel like our marriage is the only one that isn't full of sunshine and roses. We've all been there.
Next time you think you're failing at marriage, remember this post. No one sees your struggles, heartache, fights or tears. Every wife can tell you a story of when their spouse was the opposite of Prince Charming, and every husband could tell you a time when their wife wasn't that darling they started dating.
However, no one sees you at your best either. No one sees you and your spouse chatting and giggling in the middle of the night because you can't get enough of each other. They don't see that you have karaoke jam sessions to "High School Musical" in the car. They don't see you pull your mattress into the living room at 2 a.m. so you can have a "sleepover." They don't see how you hold each other when the whole world seems to be against you.
It's intriguing, scary, uncomfortable at times and imperfectly magnificent in every way. Embrace your ugly marriage, because it's the most incredible thing you'll ever be a part of.