Loving husbands don't intend to hurt their wives, but yet it happens frequently. I've known many of them — wonderful men who unknowingly tear their wife down with each thoughtless comment.
If this is happening to you, it doesn't make you an awful husband, it just means you're not recognizing the hurtful meanings hidden behind some of your comments. Some of those comments you'd never second guess can be deep daggers in your wife's heart. Watch out for these common complaints some husbands make to their wives.
Just, no. Never say this. No wife wants to be compared to another woman — especially her mother-in-law. She doesn't do it the same way your mom does it, because she's not your mom.
If you feel strongly about something getting done the same way your mom did it, it's best to do it yourself. Don't put ridiculous expectations (like living up to your amazing mama) on your wife.
Of course not. Life has shaped her — probably physically just as much as mentally. Everyone changes over time. Heartbreaks scar, children wear you down, a stressful work environment hardens you, aging makes you gain weight.
When she looks in the mirror she likely sees the worry lines and extra pounds those years have brought. A comment like this (although seemingly innocent) will bring to mind all the subtle insecurities she's already thought.
She's not the same woman you married. But along with those changes she's developed beautiful attributes that she (and you) are possibly overlooking. Would you really go back to her younger, more immature self if you had to give up her wisdom, depth and compassion? Try saying, "I love you more everyday even though we've both changed so much."
You don't have time to have a happy marriage? If it's a request for help, or doing an activity together, telling her you don't have time for it feels like she's not a priority or important in your life.
If you don't have time to help your wife be happy, it's time to cut some things out of your schedule and put what will matter most in 20 years — your marriage and family — first.
Any mention that your buddy has more intimacy than you, or that his wife does the laundry, manages to shower everyday AND take care of their kids is a sure way to break your wife's heart.
Again, being compared to another woman is extremely damaging. Women tend to compare themselves enough as it is. You don't have to shove away your needs without saying anything, but this approach won't do you any favors.
There are so many reasons she may have fallen into the messy-bun, yoga-pants phase. How much sleep is she getting at nights. How much time does she have to get ready without a moody child demanding attention? What is she dealing with at work that makes her need to get completely casual when she gets home? How much time is she getting for any self-care?
If you look at these questions, you'll probably get all the answers you need.
If your wife is a stay-at-home mom, do you know what she does all day? If you're saying this, chances are you don't.
Being a stay-at-home parent is a grueling job. She's not just "hanging out". If you think her job is cushy, it's now time for you to figure out exactly how hard it is to deal with no adult conversation and keep another human alive all day, every day, with little to no acknowledgment of the huge service being done.
As a loving husband, you don't mean to hurt your wife. Keep these things in mind the next time you open your mouth...and choose to complement rather than damage your wife.